I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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