My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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