Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
