I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
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are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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