i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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