u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
