Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
