I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
