3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i now understand why vodka
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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