I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i would punch a child for taco bell
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
