that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Never joke about your clitoris.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize