I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
