Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
