Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
