I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
