Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
