do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
