just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
