We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
