When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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