is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
