girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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