Duck Duck Cougar?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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