My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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