I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
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Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize