Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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