Pants 0. Shit 1.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
