This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize