i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
