you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
