i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Terrible idea I love it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
