I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
