I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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