Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
