I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
