it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
