so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
