I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
