My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
