"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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