if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the condom got lost in my hair
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
