im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
