The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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