Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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