Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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