I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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