Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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