How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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