I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
