was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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