I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The Olympian is in my bed
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