Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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