I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize