I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dicks are not precious.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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