my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Randomize
