woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
