After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
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The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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