it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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