Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
