Just fell off a train. Bad.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
