bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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