you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
