he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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