"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
