k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
