she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
