So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
