I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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