Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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