remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize