your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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