I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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