oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
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Acid is not a monday night drug
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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