I puked a lego.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
